/5/ - Chaos

I don't know man, I didn't do it.


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I am beginning to believe that my lack of social interaction with others led to schizoid behavior but i made up another behavior for that.
Sometimes I act shy and stutter, sometimes I speak with confidence and don't stutter, and sometimes I speak with absolute charisma.
People notice this and tell me that my personality changes make me distrustful. I just want to Zen their mind and make their Reality Tunnel Shift to another place from Comfy.
I also sometimes make people uncomfortable as if I have an ‘'erratic attack of telling the truth of things’' shifting from Shy to very charismatic I don't usually lie or tone down my words when I say things, I don't self-censor.
Sometimes i look sad, other time very happy, other's very noisy or calm.
Probably at a Funeral I would be crying, suffering and laughing while making fun of everyone to see if my laughter is contagious as a cope.
Some people I noticed that I drove them crazy in conversations and they ended up telling me more truths than they can tell with other people, it's like they lost their inhibitions when they talk to me.
The assholes generally treat me bad, other times they're happy to talk with free-speech to me but I never made enemies for doing this way (I annoy but I do my best to make others happy) Being unpredictable makes you uncomfortable in a way and in a other way very happy.
>Also
Did you see those VTM vampires called Malkavians? well I think it's something like that (less dangerous)
I still don't use my energies to be a troll or to bother others more than in a healthy way to start to think what the fuck they do or believe, I could make the OM in a political background with disinformation but I don't want to cause suffering to others for that (the fucking media fucked up a lot on medical system and mind people we need a mind fix maybe)

and yes, I normal at job and with family and normal day to day things. i dont want to turn them insane.
Sometimes I think that my presence makes the other schizoid people a little bit more. Maybe it's just my paranoid delusions, the good thing is that I notice them healthier this way than in their typical gray and boring days bacause sometimes they talk more happy to me (compared to other talk to talk people) than ever.
Maybe if they believe you're a Natural Schizoid force of chaos (a freak or a guy with some mind-problem) they start to act more free and human... yes, that's it maybe.
>>14880 (OP) 
I get exactly what you mean, pope. I'm picking up what you're putting down. I'm hip to your program.

People often don't know what to do with someone who acts even a little outside 'baseline'. Close friends are quite used to me at this point, I don't stick around people that don't enjoy my antics. The funny part is when random strangers, for whatever reason, feel like they can confide in me.
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>>14880 (OP) 
This inspired me to read about schizoid personality disorder. The main thing I kept seeing was they go out of their way to avoid people. So IDK fam. Thanks for getting me to read tho.

Accordion chart for no good reason.
As a schizoid this seems familiar, although my shyness is replaced with an incapacity for caring.
I don't have friends and have never "gone out". I sit at home, doing my own things, every day. I dislike hanging out with people, and gain no satisfaction or happiness from social interaction. I'm not even sure if happiness is a real emotion.
Yet through all of this, of every trait of the schizoid personality disorder, the one that i hate the most is the autocentric use of language. Even if my thoughts are selfish and narcissistic i find it repulsive whenever someone outwardly portrays themselves as such. I cannot stand individualism. That's why I hate whenever I use the word "I".
I also think that schizoids are naturally vulnerable to "esoteric movements", and Erisianism is certainly one of them.
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I'm not schizoid, I like being with people, I just like computers more.
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I am an individualist who's never alone with the thoughts in my head. I just forget other people exist, too, sometimes. Other times, it's easier to be distracted. If I were a rich man, I'd surely be a proper shut-in.

I don't know shit about schiz-things or similarly educated names. I try to avoid these things because I feel uncomfortably limited by definition, category and label. I prefer to be a verb over a noun. Yet, like others in this thread, I too feel your blues.

These days I oddly find myself around people who seem eager to vent to me. More often than not, it does get oddly personal (I would think so) for a coworker or acquaintance or even a stranger. Things I'd expect them to keep secret or tell a therapist. I'm not a social fellow, by any means, yet I will often find random people approaching me for random conversations and ventings. This has been going on for a few years now and I get high after and just forget about it. I don't why they do this, but I'll listen and hear them out. I never try to take a side or judge, and I try give the most noble/honorable/inspirational advice I can. I get nothing out of it but I prefer to be next to another's happiness rather than their misery. Sometimes I can't help but be silent.


>VTM
I like the nosferatu, makes me feel like a proper undead monster. I have yet to play as a Malkavian.
Replies: >>14896
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>>14895
>I am an individualist
I hope you're just using that word incorrectly.

>These days I oddly find myself around people who seem eager to vent to me.
Maybe it turns out we're not popes as the Principia theorizes, we're just priests sitting in invisible confessional booths. Erischan, as an anon imageboard generally, is simply a virtual manifestation of said booths.
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>>14880 (OP) 
>Sometimes I act shy and stutter, sometimes I speak with confidence and don't stutter, and sometimes I speak with absolute charisma.
>I also sometimes make people uncomfortable as if I have an ‘'erratic attack of telling the truth of things’' shifting from Shy to very charismatic I don't usually lie or tone down my words when I say things, I don't self-censor.
>Sometimes i look sad, other time very happy, other's very noisy or calm.
Sound like Emotional lability to me.
>Vidrelated
Replies: >>14903
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>>14880 (OP) 
>>14897
This's very fun.
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