10 DAYS TILL MALADAY!
Concerning the Mismanagement of Certain Love-Files:
It has come to the attention of this Holy Office that numerous agents, associates, lurkers, popes, cabbages, malcontents, dwellers and other beloved irregulars of the L.D.D., D.S, P.O.E.E., and many, many Sects, Cabals, Schisms, etm have had their Love-Files improperly processed by Heaven! Some files have been misplaced! Others have been stamped:
UNREQUITED
WRONG CENTURY
PERSON CURRENTLY EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE
REFERRED TO COMMITTEE
DIVINE PLAN—DO NOT QUESTION
Several were found beneath Zeus’s wine cabinet. One had been folded into a paper swan. The A.C.U.L.T. discovered these irregularities during a perfectly lawful mission to ransack Heaven. Our investigators have determined that certain gods--being themselves incapable of orgasm and bitterly envious of mortal enthusiasm--have conspired to keep Discordians from love!
Yet, lo and behold! Their plot has failed!
By authority never granted to us, all misplaced Love-Files shall henceforth be seized, corrected, perfumed, kissed where appropriate, and safely transferred to:
EROS OFFICE, INC.
Divine Mismanagement—Mortally Corrected
Therefore, let this blessing fall upon Erischan:
Be fruitful in strange affections.
Multiply your occasions for delight.
Fill the Earth with kisses, laughter, friendship, tenderness, and mutually agreeable indecencies.
Subdue no one.
Have dominion only over your own damn self.
May your lovers recognize you.
May your friendships outlive governments.
May your desires escape classification.
May your heart survive every committee appointed to regulate it.
May no greyfaced angel stamp DENIED upon the ecstasy rightly available to mortal flesh. And should Heaven again misplace your Love-File, may Eros himself descend—naked, winged, magnificently unionized—and deliver it personally.
GO FORTH, LOVE WHOM THOU WILT,
AND LEAVE THE EARTH FRUITFULLY UNSUBDUED.
So Spake the High Chaparral unto Erischan
—Issued without celestial authorization by the A.C.U.L.T. Department of Erotic Records, Unauthorized Blessings, and Divine Mail Fraud
