/abs/ - Absurdism

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Im a man and I've been having recurrent ,intense sexual fantasies ( I wank a bit, then stop in disgust. I do nofap, but its hard, I never c00m) about "femdom" but not bdsm in the consensual, cultural, arranged sense; I investigate cases of women serial killers\ gang leaders\ cult leaders etc, and fantasize about them torturing me without me having to 🗿pay money🗿 for it.
I think the dominatrix cultural meme, outfits, bdsm rules and culture etc, is disgusting, and I want to be a normal person in a healthy society. but, I also want to be the victim of a brutal TRUE dominant woman. icepicks, mazes ,hammer, wooden clubs, box-cutters..such items she would use to make me squirm.
>I NEED help, don't I??
Replies: >>1431 >>1441
>>1429 (OP) 
>should I get a shrink
No. Paraphilias (even as extreme as yours) are not something a shrink can "fix".
>>1429 (OP) 
>I NEED help, don't I??
Yeah, it seems you need a bit of help with that. I'd hurt you plenty
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