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(529.9KB, 800x800) Newly Discovered Roman News Report Found and Translated:
The Fiery Wrath of Discordia
By: Gaius Flavius, Senior Correspondent of Acta Diurna
In a shocking turn of events that has left the citizens of Rome in a state of disbelief and chaos, the Goddess Discordia has reportedly set ablaze the grand Colosseum during the much-anticipated chariot races. Witnesses claim that the goddess, known for her penchant for stirring trouble among mortals and deities alike, descended upon the arena with an air of disdain, declaring the races, “More tiresome than watching hair grow on granny tits.”
The incident occurred at midday when thousands had gathered to witness the thrilling spectacle of charioteers racing for glory. As the sun blazed overhead, so too did Discordia’s wrath. With a flick of her wrist, she reportedly summoned flames that engulfed not only the chariots but also sent spectators into a frenzy as they scrambled to escape the inferno.
“I was just here to enjoy the races,” lamented Marcus Tullius, a local merchant who had placed his bets on his favorite racer. “But then there she was! I thought it was part of the show until I felt the heat on my face!”
Authorities were quick to respond to this unprecedented act of divine vandalism. The Praetorian Guard rushed to contain both the fire and any potential panic among attendees. However, despite their best efforts, capturing Discordia proved impossible; she vanished into thin air amidst laughter that echoed through the charred remains of what was once a vibrant display of athletic prowess.
“Her powers are beyond our comprehension,” stated Quintus Varro, an esteemed philosopher and scholar at the Forum. “To think we could apprehend a deity is folly. She thrives on chaos and revels in our attempts to restore order.”
As firefighters worked tirelessly to extinguish flames across the Colosseum’s ancient stones, citizens began to speculate about what this means for future games. Some have called for increased security measures while others suggest appeasing Discordia with offerings or perhaps even hosting events designed specifically to entertain her whims.
In response to this calamity, Emperor Nero has issued an edict promising swift reparations for those affected by today’s fiery debacle. “We shall rebuild,” he proclaimed from his palace balcony, “and we shall do so with greater fervor than ever before!” Yet many remain skeptical about whether such promises can quell the unrest stirred by Discordia’s latest antics.
As night falls over Rome and smoke billows into the sky like dark omens foretelling more mischief ahead, one thing is clear: The Goddess Discordia has once again reminded us all that in her realm—chaos reigns supreme.
